Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
