so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
