Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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