just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
