how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
a search helicopter?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
