The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
