I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
