I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
