i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We smell like vodka and hangover
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