you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
