You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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