I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
