You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
