the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
