Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize