well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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