I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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