I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
