What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
