I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize