Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
