broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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