do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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