I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize