Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
