she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
