what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize