u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sobbing to NWA
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
