looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
smell my finger.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will be naked everywhere
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize