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How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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