what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
