Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
