1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
