i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My dick has a subreddit
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize