She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize