Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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