No, drunk sperm still make babies.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
