plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
