We're like a lot better than the average bears
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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