ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
