people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize