he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You pole danced in your parka.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
