all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
