he wants to bone in the snuggie
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We got so high we made milksteak
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
