When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
