you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This house was built for laser tag.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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