She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He has the fingertips of a God
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
