he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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