What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
