Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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