My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize