is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There r osticjed everywhere
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
