She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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