he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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