Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
