Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
