Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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