I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
