even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
