can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
