He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize