You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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