I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
