TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
