She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize