How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
